(The first installment of a bi-weekly green, fair-trade gathering. @Venus Hotel in El Albir, Alfas del Pí, Alicante, Spain. March 14, 2010; 11am-8pm.)

desconsuelo, mal, pesar, suplicio, tortura, aflicción, angustia, congoja, daño, pena, tormento, calvario
-aflicción – agonía – agujeta – agujetas – alifafe – amargura – arrepentimiento – atrición – cimbrón – contrición – jaqueca – desolación – duelo – enfermedad – goce – lástima – mal – patetismo – pena – pésame – prueba – punzada – pupa – purgatorio – sentimiento – sufrimiento – tormento – trastorno

Clearly not all of these deal with physical pain. But then again, how astute are we when differentiating between the two? It’s not that coincidental that neckache coincides with a bust-up with your partner in which words were left unsaid (visuddha chakra). Nor it is unusual for the lungs to ache when grief is intense (in TCM, grief is associated with Lung Qi).

Net conclusion: I need to improve my vocabulary. Let’s see, how can I work ‘alifafe’ into a sentence?

I can’t quite understand what it is that renders me unable to perform in the street.  I have no such fear of the stage.  Only the street.  I think that it’s the “in your face” nature of busking.  Like, people are just sitting there having a coffee and suddenly along comes me with my guitar.  I play a few songs then stick my hand out and ask for money.  It’s not that far removed from begging really.

Maybe that’s why I can’t do it:  it seems debased, makes me out as a pauper.  When you’re on stage, you know that your audience has come to listen to you, to hear your music.  You’re there on the stage with everyone paying attention. You are respected.  There is reverence (sometimes!)  You have their attention.  On the street you compete with traffic and passersby.  No one came to hear you play, you might be an intrusion, an annoyance, in the way.  So it’s not really fear of playing that paralyses me, it’s fear of the reaction to/perception of my performance.

Perhaps there are people who enjoy the challenge of winning over an apathetic cluster of coffee drinkers.  Maybe there are those who believe that they will put a smile on their faces and brighten their day.  Perhaps there are some who are hungry enough to have to play and that’s the sole motivation they need.  I guess that I don’t believe in myself enough to credit the idea that I could brighten a bored stranger’s day.  I guess I’m not hungry enough.  I don’t need to do it, so I have the bail-out-the-backdoor option…and today I took it.

Do I feel ashamed?  No.  I do many things well and can’t expect to excel at everything.  Disappointed?  Yes.  I’d have likes to write about the coins collected, the boogie woogie dance I did, the applause and appreciation.  But certainly I feel optimistic because I know that I shall overcome this block and sing in the street this summer.  For no reason other than to prove that the talents God gave me – my voice, my joy,  my love of music – increase the happiness in this world, if only by a fraction.  Sat Nam.

Livestock occupy nearly a third of the land on earth. Agricultural grenhouse gases are about 22 percent of all emissions around the world…A huge problem in wealthy nations is that even when people cut down or give up meat for health reasons, they often substitute increasingly endangered fish near the top of the oceanic food chain such as swordfish, tuna or shark or create a demand for shrimp and salmon that overwhelms the environments they are being raised in.

Isn’t that too true? In Canada, my country, the cod fisheries of the Atlantic coast collapsed in the 1990′s. There simply were no adult fish left…or not enough to allow the population to reproduce itself while the fishermen continued work. Here on the Costa Blanca, people eat a lot of fish. The pueblo was orginally a fishing village and there are still many who earn their living from the sea. There is a fish factory about 1km from shore where they raise certain types of fish, but there are also plenty of working boats. I know it’s a tough living and that they deserve respect, but when they’re pulling udersized fish out of protected waters on a daily basis, I lose my respect. Here are a few articles about illegal fishing in Alicante

La falta de vigilancia permite la pesca ilegal en la reserva marina del Cabo de San Antonio

Inmovilizado en el Puerto de Alicante un cargamento ilegal de pez espada que podría alcanzar las 180 toneladas

“Her travels were for an artistic performance and to give a message of peace and trust, but not everyone deserves trust,”

Well, that’s for darn sure. I think it’s charming that any woman would consider hitch-hiking alone through Turkey and the near-Middle East in an attempt to prove the goodness of mankind. It’s such a wonderfully european notion, to think that a WOMAN could hitch-hike alone through Turkey. I would love it if she has actually made it. Because the first thing I thought when my partner read me the story was “I’d never hitch-hike alone through Turkey”. I guess that ‘s the fear that’s already gotten me. As a woman, I have been trained to understand that men are dangerous, that they must be avoided/mollified/coddled/obeyed. Men have sensitive souls and soft little minds…after all that’s why a woman in a short skirt and a few drinks is asking for it, that’s why a colleague who wears flattering clothes is a slut, that’s why a woman who says no is a bitch. Sorry, I went off a little there. But I’m not going to hit the delete key cos this shit really really bugs me.

Spain has nothing to brag about when it comes to equality or the societal acceptance of violence against women. The Women in Business Club, of which I am a member, was formed in 2004 to promote awareness of violence against women in Spain. There have been 39 women killed by their partners so far this year -2008. A nice average of just over 10 per month. ARGH.

Does it make a difference that it happened in Turkey, a muslim nation? I don’t know. I’d have to understand the statistics…are there more rapes/murders of women per capita in muslim societies than in christian/secular societies? Well, reading the Chanelling Energy Blog, it looks like the problem is worldwide. I would reasonably say that in European societies, perhaps women have a better chance of getting help. Or maybe not. You see, I was hit by an ex-partner, and it took me ages to get away from him. I fell into the typical victim trap of wanting to help him/being afraid of him. I stayed three years too long…I finally got away when I realised that I was worth 10 times him and just got the hell out. Out of the country, out of the routine, out of the way.

God, It’s just so depressing. I want to be able to say ‘Bloody macho muslim Turks! You see, that’s why they shouldn’t join the EU!”, but I can’t. I’m not a racist. I’m not prejudiced. I, like Pippa Bacca, believe in the goodness of human beings. Should I?